All because of my childhood through age 22. I know some of these things aren’t true, but I just cannot escape that feeling… it’s awful. :(
… even if they’re family. Sad, but true.
Unfortunately some of the people who ARE actual blood do not accept us for who we are, they’ll do anything to bring us down, they’ll use us, take advantage of us, and guess what? They DON’T love us no matter what. They only “love” us if you do them favors, if you kiss their ass, if you give them gifts, etc. I hate being so distant from my blood family, but I also hate being talked about behind my back… it’s something I just cannot tolerate, especially when it’s bs that they THINK I do/did/am. I HATE being called a liar, I HATE being called a kiss ass. I do not kiss ass, and I do not lie… I have no reason to. The only way to avoid being talked about behind my back, is to stay away. Sad, isn’t it? Honesty - don’t people like it?
I’m slowly trying to get rid of my “oh that’s ugly, oh she needs to cut her ugly dry tips of her hair”, etc, mentality. When I find myself thinking that way, I stop myself and try to find something beautiful/nice about whatever I was about to talk/think bad about :)